


just kiss me goodnight

by chiasa



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, and so is angst, sad shit is sad, sousuke can be pretty dense about his feelings, tachibana is not always a happy person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 04:18:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2454455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiasa/pseuds/chiasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sometimes chasing after someone is tiring as hell and makoto just wants to take a break. sousuke seems to feel the same way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	just kiss me goodnight

It's been months since Makoto had last seen the determined blue eyes of his best friend, Haru. It was only natural for him to worry about Haru because up till high school, they've been joined in the hips. After the first year of college, Haru had left him for Sydney where he joined Rin for professional training. Even though he misses Haru terribly, Makoto kept himself busy with another person. A particularly difficult person to please.

 

He didn’t tell Haru who the new tenant was just because he’s afraid Haru would go all bonkers if he found out. Haru wasn’t particularly in good terms with the guy staying with him anyway. Makoto had witnessed them fighting once back in middle school and had to break the fight between them. Many people like Haru for example find Sousuke a pain in the ass, just another bitter person walking on the face of earth. Honestly, Makoto thinks that Sousuke is a nice guy, quite the softie when it comes to Rin. The only thing that changed him was because of his busted shoulder, which was something that was to remain unspoken between the both of them. It was a taboo and Makoto knew better than to question Sousuke.

 

Makoto rolls lazily on the futon he set earlier that evening and hums a sad tune. He feels a strange bubbling feeling in his chest as he sniffs the pillow in his hold. He feels somewhat safe whenever that scent invades his senses. Safe yet forlorn.

 

“Makoto!” At the sound of that voice, Makoto immediately scrambles up and runs to the small dining area in the apartment.

 

“What did you cook for dinner tonight?” Makoto asks excitedly.  Knowing that the man before him was cooking dinner just for the both of them makes him so contented. Just like newlyweds, Makoto thinks briefly before frowning. They weren't even dating. _What a weird thought. He doesn't like me. He likes Rin, right?_

 

“Black pepper beef. I hope it tastes good though,” the man answers curtly and serves the dish gently before sitting right in front of him. “You’re on cleaning duty today, Makoto.”

 

Makoto nods rather weakly, nothing like his usual energetic self and the man notices the slight change in mood.

 

“What’s wrong, Makoto?” Makoto frowns, sensing worry in the other man’s voice. Sousuke never worries about anyone else other than Rin. And Sousuke wasn’t himself at the moment it seemed.

 

“Nothing,” he mutters, plastering a huge smile on his face. It wasn’t a genuine smile though. It was stiff and fake, something Makoto wasn’t capable of until then.

 

Sousuke realises the strange vibe Makoto was emitting and chooses to ignore it entirely. Probing Makoto wouldn't do him any good. He tried it before and failed. Makoto would cover himself up with a beaming smile that looks like a cringe. It honestly looked painful. It was painful to watch.

 

"Let's eat before the food gets cold," Sousuke put some slices of beef on Makoto's rice bowl with a small smile. "I wonder how Rin's doing with the cooking."

 

Makoto feels relieved that Sousuke didn't pursue the matter, leaving it as it is. However, his heart was restless. What does it mean when his heart clenches whenever Sousuke speaks fondly of Rin?

 

"What do you think, Makoto? How do you think Haru is coping at Sydney?"

 

"He should be fine now, I guess. After all he's with Rin," Makoto mutters before shoving a piece of meat in his mouth. He shouldn't have said anything. He shouldn't agitate Sousuke. Makoto focuses on chewing and looks away.

 

"You're right."

 

Dinner ends quicker than Makoto expected. He hates it. Their usual banter was gone. Only fleeting silence was present, hovering like a blanket; thick and heavy. Sousuke seemed immersed in his own thoughts after what he said. It certainly scared Makoto out of his wits because Sousuke rarely had that kind of weird look on his face. Not even when he was talking about Rin.

 

_It's obvious that Sousuke is still in love with Rin._

 

Makoto just knew. He had a feeling Sousuke was still hung up on Rin. He silently washes the dishes without the whining he usually does. Makoto takes his time scrubbing the porcelain bowls clean. One, two, three shatters right in front of him. The bowls slips from his grasp while he was setting them aside. It broke into millions of shards. Makoto takes a deep breath and picks up the tiny razor like pieces and one jagged piece cuts him. Gone were the precious gift from his mother when he decided move away. He felt frustrated, so angry with himself for being so clumsy. And all of a sudden, he was overwhelmed with emotions. Waves after waves of emotions crashing in his heart. All the pent up anger and sadness finally burst.

 

_Why can't the people I love look at me the same way as I did? Why not me?_

 

Redness everywhere, amidst tears and broken porcelain. Without knowing, Makoto had been gripping the shards in his hand so hard, he started bleeding. There wasn't any pain. It was much duller compared to the agony his poor heart went through.

 

Hearing all the noise from the kitchen, Sousuke came bounding from his room. He panics when he sees blood, lots of blood pouring out of Makoto's wound. Once again, worry begins spreading in his system.

 

"Makoto," he cries in horror. Seeing Makoto in such a mess scares him to his bones. He tries to release the tight grip Makoto has on the broken pieces but the grip only tightens. Sousuke feels helpless and resorts to hugging Makoto from behind, rocking him gently.

 

"It's okay. It's okay, Makoto," he repeats in a soothing voice. It was just a facade. The slight tremor in his voice says it all. Sousuke was completely shaken up, fear gripping his heart, suffocating him slowly. He had to be strong for Makoto. He just had to.

 

Eventually, Makoto's fists starts unclenching, revealing two deeps gashes on his palm. It was a horrid sight. Makoto's crying turned to tiny sobs.

 

"Sousuke," he calls softly. His voice was raspy from the crying he did. Exhaustion overtakes his body and Makoto felt the need to let go. "Sousuke."

 

It was a plea. Sousuke heard it through Makoto's ragged whisper. There was a tinge of sadness in Makoto's voice that seemed to break his heart. Even though he merely called his name, Sousuke knew what Makoto meant.

 

All Makoto wanted was love from the person he loved. Haruka Nanase. The same man who stole Rin away from him. Sousuke grits his teeth in anger. He was seething. His mounting hatred for Haruka continues to grow.

 

"Sousuke-kun, may I have a word with you?" The doctor asks gravely.

 

Sousuke reluctantly follows the doctor into his office and sat on the chair with a sullen expression. He knew what was coming. It would be the same old questions.

 

"Do you think he’s suicidal?" The question snaps Sousuke out of his thoughts. It was a really insensitive question which angers him even more.

 

"You don't know a thing he's been through. Makoto isn't suicidal. He isn't that kind of person!" Sousuke slams the table and glares into the doctor's eyes. The doctor, however, remain poised and cleared his throat.

 

"How are you even sure, Sousuke-kun? Makoto-kun doesn't look like the type to burst and hurt himself like that but he has those kind of thoughts before," the doctor busies himself with Makoto's health results. "I even have records of him getting admitted to the hospital just because he had this kind incidents before. I am his personal doctor after all, you see."

 

"What?" Sousuke is in disbelief. Never had he known anything about Makoto's past. He was always sure to hide it away whenever he asked.

 

The doctor wears a smug look on his face. "Do you even know Makoto that well?"

 

"I just know he isn't like that!" Sousuke says with conviction. He knows Makoto isn't the suicidal kind even if he was recovering from mild depression. Random outbursts? Sousuke was sure Makoto never had those kind of things happening ever since he decided to move in. Not till that day.

 

Sousuke drags himself out of the office, feeling sombre and frustrated. He throws an angry punch on the wall and ignores the throbbing pain. It was nothing compared to Makoto's pain.

 

Dammit Nanase. Did you know what you've done to your own best friend?

 

He feels bitter rage boiling inside him, knowing Makoto had been suffering in silence. He could've helped. He could've prevented that. It was all his fault for not being aware of such things.

 

Sousuke returns home only to find a strange sort of emptiness welling in his heart. It had only been three months since he moved in with Makoto. He had finally gotten used to living with someone after living alone for the first year of college. Being so close to someone for three months made him forget what loneliness was. He remembers the first time Makoto came to him in spring, asking if he would like to move in. It was weird considering they never talked that much during swimming meets and competitions. Although Makoto was always the first to approach him, Sousuke would try his best to continue their conversations. They went to the same college after all, taking even same core classes. Sousuke remembers thinking why not and crashed at Makoto’s place ever since. The cheerful always smiling Makoto had secrets too, huh? He knows that Makoto had been crushing on - or rather had been in love with - Haruka. The same Haruka Rin seemed to fancy. The very thought of having Makoto and Rin, two very important people in his life whom he cares for dearly, taken away by Haruka only made his blood boil with anger.

 

The apartment was in a mess after Makoto’s outburst and he decides to clean the broken porcelain bowls Makoto didn’t manage to pick up. He heaves a sigh, mind reeling from the incident which happened the previous night. It was too much to take in. Sousuke runs his fingers through his hair, tugging the roots in slight frustration. He shuts his eyes tightly as a distant memory started to resurface.

 

_“ You want Rin, right?”_

_“Umm.. Yeah?”_

_“I want Haru back too, you know. I have been in love with him for so long. It’s getting tiring,” Makoto chuckles bitterly. “He knows it. But never return my feelings nor does he reject it.”_

_“Such a person still exists, huh?” Sousuke takes a sip of his americano. “I wonder what that person has that I don’t. What does Rin see in a man like him?”_

_“Well, when Haru loves, he loves wholeheartedly although he’s afraid of taking the first step most of the time. But when he’s with Rin, I see happiness overflowing from his actions and love exuding from his eyes. It’s like he isn’t afraid to show Rin he loves him,” Makoto sighs. “It hurts.”_

_Sousuke remains silent, not knowing how he could comfort the depressed Makoto._

_“The hardest thing for me is that I don’t hate Rin. I can’t. He’s just a hopeless romantic. And he’s a good friend at that. It makes it difficult for me to separate them because I love them. They’re both my friends and I just can’t bear to hurt them. Haru’s been hurting enough and I bet Rin was too. Now that they’re together, I can’t do anything,” Makoto sniffles and wipes the tears that are threatening to fall. “I’m helpless.”_

_“We can still do something to stop those two, right?” Sousuke is desperate._

_“There’s nothing we can do now. The reason I asked you to be my roommate was because Haru’s going to Australia for training now that he’s done with his one year course. He’s going to Rin now.”_

_“What?”_

_“I was thinking that you might want to live with someone since you always look so lonely in class. So why not, right?” Makoto says hurriedly, afraid Sousuke might get mad at him._

_“When is that brat going?”_

_“I can’t tell you as much as I want Haru and Rin to break up. I want them to be happy as much as it destroys me."_

_“You’re so weird, Tachibana,” Sousuke folds his arms with a frustrated look on his face._

  
“Oh Makoto, why won’t you tell me a thing?” Sousuke whispers brokenly.

**Author's Note:**

> this would be the first installment to a two/three chaptered soumako. this was originally a drabble meant for my friend, mel. but i decided to post it here. sorry for the angst and rusty english. i didn't write for months. i have plans for reigisa but i will have to finish soumako first. thanks for reading! i will try my best to post the second installment but i need more inspiration. angst drains my brain.
> 
> twitter: nekomatsuoka  
> tumblr: watashiwamatsuoka


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